FEMALE DESIRE

I can see five likely sources for the extent of this awesome power in the world of most heterosexual males:

1. First there is the real genetic fact that female desire is critical to sperm acceptance and thus the reproduction of male genes. This acceptance begins with approval of the male person, else sex is only possible through rape, which, by nature of itself mitigates against a favorable acceptance of male sperm in proximity to an ovum itself. Past acceptance of the male individual, the pulsating openness of vagina, cervix, and finally an ovum—all evidenced in female sexual passion, crudely seen as "wanting it," becomes the ultimate access to male immortality.

All other evidences of female desire— her smiles, touches, and stated, even implied or imagined, wishes, may all be taken as clues to this above noted primal biological fact. If she "likes me" or anything I may do for her, then perhaps this social approval is a clue to the possibility of her sexual approval also. These facts alone would be enough to substantiate the massive powers which female desire regularly wield with typical males. But there is more, much more.

2. Secondly, there are mother memories, buried if not remembered, in the soul of every person, especially male persons. In all our beginnings She, the prototype of all later intellectualized God images, was Mother, the real source of all the elements essential to our very existence, as well as any enhancements of same. She, at first, in the womb and immediately thereafter, was indeed the bearer of life and food, not to mention love. In our earliest days Her approval is literally, as well as figuratively, crucial. She, at first, is It.

"What-she-wants," indicative of her desires, is our first clue to serving our own best personal interests. We must, or so it must seem, please her in the beginning in order to keep the resources of life coming our way. We may, for instance, be inclined to bite the tit when enough milk is not immediately forthcoming; yet soon we may recognize her further withdrawals when we do, and also soon note that smiles work better than bites. This perhaps is the beginning of all later efforts to please mother, to gain her approval by doing what she seems to want us to, as a way of establishing ourselves in the world—or staying alive and getting what we want.

Easily, however, what must begin as pragmatic in reality, as truly realistic as what will later be recognized (or taken to be) signs of her sexual desire, becomes a habitual mode of survival and achievement—namely, making Mother, May I the game of life, expanding the initial learning about how to get food and love to include all else that truly matters in life. Past these basic necessities, Her approval as permission to be and become our selves is but a reflection of what we discern to be "her wants." "What-she-wants," especially of us, becomes the synonym for "good." Early on we learn that her desires are synonymous with virtue; what-she-wants is what-is-right and good.

For many of us males the beginning reality of pleasing mother as the best way to make-life- sweet, expanded into a habit of "being good boys" in all regards, then projected from mother to include women in general and all those who otherwise appeal to us in particular, often becomes our way-of-life.

3. Then there is the projection of our own desires—the displacement of awareness of what- we-want on to the reality of what-they-want. After learning from Mother that our desires are only Okay or acceptable when they fit in with Her desires, it must be but a short step to project this early learning experience on to other later females. If she goes first, that is, wants before we do, then, as we have previously learned, our desires must be all right too. In other words, we get permission to desire from the presence of her desires.

4. Projecting sexual desire: I think this must be especially true of our sexual desires which are so commonly condemned or ruled unacceptable by our Mothers. Most male experience seems to be that anything sexual—such as, "playing with ourselves" or having any type of overt or obvious sexual feelings (like erections)—is not Okay with Mother. Hence to later feel sexual with a woman may evoke these early memories of when it was not all right to be obviously sexual. We learn to feel guilty about being sexual, about the extensive nature of our masculine urges.

Fearing this power which is obviously deeper than our conscious control, these urges and realities generated by sex genes, we may easily and, it must seem, safely, project these powers on to females, thereafter imagining that they "turn us on" or make us feel the powers which actually reside primarily within our own bodies (and minds). With the overall learning of Permission To Be residing first in Mother and then later in females in general, it must be a natural progression to project this perhaps greatest of all our desires on to her also—that is, to project the power of our own sexual desires on to those who have both the power to Okay them, and also to mediate their effects.

We evade, I think, the responsibility of managing the forces and power generated by our own sexual genes, initiated by Y chromosomes, by the psychological trick of giving it to women and thereafter looking to them both for permission to activate these powers, and certainly for direction in how to manage it. If they "turn us on," they, in our perverted use of logic, must also be responsible for these forces we are so poorly trained at managing ourselves.

5. This fourth practice, projecting the power of our own sexuality on to women, leads to another possible basis for our massive empowering of female desire—namely, for guidance in the civilizing of ourselves. Men, it seems, are better at living in the jungle, fighting real and imaginary enemies, killing game of all sorts, than at existing in civilized communities. For this essential skill, we easily to look to women for direction. We need clues about how to exist in harmony with one another, especially in the management of our rampant sexual desires.

After empowering female desire so grandly to begin with, and well recognizing that we do need to exist in some degrees of community with others, we are faced with: how to do it?. How shall we civilize ourselves? Once more, we may look to female desire—to what they want-us-to- do and not-do—for direction in living in society. Manners, which seem so foreign to our nature, but which are so essential in social communities, and which females seem to so naturally know about, can be learned when we are attentive to their wants.

In summary, for these and perhaps many other reasons not yet apparent to me, female desire—what women want—has become one of, no, much more than one of, indeed the most powerful of all male motivations I have yet recognized. Otherwise wise and intelligent men, most often functioning in a competent and reasonable manner, suddenly revert to infantile behavior, easily swayed and managed, by female desire.

What-women-want moves us, I think, more than all else.

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